Reasons Not To Go To Sleep
by Sunfreak
Summary: The insomnia's a pain, but otherwise life isn't too bad. IzumoKoteshi.
1. Reasons Not To Go To Sleep

A/N: I'm really not sure about Koteshi's name, but when gingaktb first requested this fic, she referred to him as Koteshi, which I seem to recall as being what Tsunade called him in the scanslations I've been reading. But when I looked him up online, I got Kotetsu. ^_^;; I basically did the mental equivalent of flipping a coin and decided to call him Koteshi, if only because the fic was written for the pleasure of gingaktb, who called him that in her original request. Whatever his name actually is, I assume it's just a difference of or mistake in translation- like the Genma/Gemma thing.  
  
And for those who don't know (because really, these two are not high-profile guys), Izumo and Koteshi are the examiners who pull that unofficial first test before the chuunin exam and find Sakura-chan after Sasuke knocks her out. They always seem to show up together and are usually standing right on the edge of each other's personal space. X3 I had to fudge a bit on their personalities and backstories, though, since they've only shown up a couple of times so far. Some of it I based off what they seemed like from their dress and posture, but a lot I just pulled out of my ass. *guilty grin* Most likely, they'll never become detailed enough for this to matter anyway.  
  
. . . yeah. Like any of you read all that. Anyway, SHOUNEN AI. That should catch your attention, ne? ^_^  
  
*  
  
*  
  
"Reasons Not To Go To Sleep"  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Koteshi's hair is even more of a mess than usual and he is sprawled over his bed like a gangly starfish. Izumo is watching him from the kitchenette through his own hair, already on the morning's third cup of coffee. He needs to get off the stuff, but sometimes he feels like he can't keep up with Koteshi without it. Even right now, he's very tired. He didn't sleep a wink all night.  
  
The thing about Koteshi is that he can sleep anywhere and anywhen. His bed, Izumo's bed, the floor, the kitchen table- he's fine where and whenever. The thing about Izumo is that he's an insomniac. He can't sleep no matter what he does. He can get home from a six-week mission, give a three-hour report, and spend the rest of the day running after Koteshi, and he still won't be able to drift off after. It's extremely irritating, but he simply can't get his mind to shut up for long enough.  
  
The only time that Izumo ever remembers falling asleep easily is the first night he slept in the same room as Koteshi. He was absolutely content for the first time in his life and simply curled into the bed and felt totally okay. Before he knew what was happening, he was out.  
  
Koteshi told him the next morning, teasingly, that he looked kinda cute while he slept.  
  
Izumo was never able to sleep again.  
  
He knows it's stupid, but he cannot regain that sense of peace and safety any longer. He can't let himself relax because he's afraid of what will happen to Koteshi. That he will disappear, or just go away.  
  
That's why they're always together. That's why Izumo never sleeps.  
  
Because he's scared that Koteshi will die or get lost or be stolen or just finally recognize him for the clingy, needy bastard that he is and leave him. Because he's scared that he'll have to go back to his old life again.  
  
The problem with Izumo's old life is that he doesn't remember anything about it. Oh, he knows, on a practical level, that he must have had some kind of parental figures or at least a guardian at some point, but he doesn't recall them at all beyond a vague impression. He isn't sure what happened to him- whether he was hit on the head or with some repression jutsu, or whether he's the one doing the repressing himself. He's never asked anyone about it or even looked at his own files, though he's had more than enough opportunity to do both.  
  
Izumo has this funny feeling that whatever he's forgotten doesn't really want to be remembered.  
  
He leaves it alone, just in case he's right.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Koteshi wakes up slowly. The first thing he sees is, as usual, Izumo in the kitchenette, doing paperwork on the counter and drinking coffee. He doesn't feel anything upon noticing this besides normal.  
  
Koteshi likes to be with Izumo. He gets the feeling that if they ever WERE separated, they'd spend the whole time looking for each other anyway. And he kind of likes always having someone around to bail him out or bounce ideas off of. He can't even remember the last time they were more than a few meters apart. Even when one of them is in the bathroom or the shower, the other tends to gravitate towards that room.  
  
Their apartment is a loft, so as far as "rooms" go, there is only the first floor, where they keep the kitchen and the living area and the second, where they both sleep. Then there's a closet upstairs and a bathroom downstairs, and that's really everything. You can see every area from almost every angle, and they are constantly in each other's line of sight, which is the unspoken reason as to why they chose this apartment in the first place. The only time they CAN'T both see each other is when one of them is in the bathroom.  
  
When Izumo takes his showers, Koteshi usually ends up pressed against the door, waiting for him. Izumo is subtler, but he still has a habit of doing his paperwork in the closest chair whenever Koteshi is taking his.  
  
This wouldn't necessarily mean anything to most people, but Koteshi knows that Izumo has never liked that chair. It's squishy and overstuffed and covered in cushions. Koteshi likes to sink into it bonelessly, like jelly into a jar, but Izumo can never get comfortable in it. He prefers straight-backed chairs with wicker seats.  
  
They're always quick in the bathroom. It's kind of a rule.  
  
Izumo broke it once, and when Koteshi couldn't have waited another second without going insane, he barged in and caught him in a rather compromising position.  
  
After that, the bathroom door just stayed open all the time and they stopped dealing with their hormones. It was easier to just suppress it. Izumo, probably, can deal with it at night if he really needs to, but Koteshi can't remember the last time Izumo fell asleep before him.  
  
Actually, he can't even remember the last time he saw Izumo asleep. Once, maybe, when they were still genin- or maybe back in the academy.  
  
For some reason, he has this image of the current Izumo in repose in his head, but it's nothing he's ever seen. He likes to think about it, though. Izumo always seems a little tired. It would be nice to see him sleeping a little more.  
  
Izumo seems to have finished the form he was filling out. Koteshi takes this as a sign to get out of bed.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
"'zumo," Koteshi calls drowsily from upstairs. "You're up already?"  
  
"Yes," Izumo answers unnecessarily. He is the sort of person who does things like that. Koteshi's used to it.  
  
"Idiot," Koteshi mutters. "You don't sleep enough." Izumo doesn't say anything. Koteshi's a little too good at figuring out when he's lying. It's easier to stay quiet.  
  
Of course, Koteshi knows that he knows this.  
  
"Izumo, when did you go to bed last night?" he asks with a frown.  
  
Izumo's silence is, as always, answer enough.  
  
Koteshi grimaces and jumps off the loft, completely forgoing the stairs. He lands on the kitchen table, sending all of Izumo's papers flying and knocking Izumo himself neatly off his chair. Izumo still doesn't say anything. Someone else might be angry, but he can never be angry with Koteshi. You can't live with a person for the entire duration of your remembered life and get upset with them so easily.  
  
Well, actually you can, but Izumo has always been too worried that Koteshi would leave if he ever did such a thing. If you spend so much time with someone and care so much for them, losing them is something you would do anything to avoid. Keeping his temper was hardly a challenge considering the alternative.  
  
"You're so stupid," Koteshi grumbles. Izumo only get to his feet, shrugging listlessly.  
  
Koteshi grabs him by the arm and drags him back upstairs, grumbling all the way. Izumo follows, because why wouldn't he? Koteshi pushes him down on his own bed and gives him a look that very clearly says, "stay." Then he returns to the kitchen and scribbles something on a piece of scrap paper, throwing it and all of Izumo's forms in a manilla envelope and tying it off neatly. He goes to the window and yanks it open, leaning much- too-far out of it and scanning the street below.  
  
Bingo.  
  
"Oi, kid!" he yells, waving at a vaguely familiar and unoccupied- looking genin. "Drop this off at the Hokage's office. Tell 'em it's Izumo's work." Then he drops the envelope right on his poor victim's head and flashes her a grin before vanishing inside again.  
  
As Inner Sakura curses up a storm in the street, Koteshi returns to the top floor and his bed, giving Izumo a dubious look.  
  
"You didn't have to call in sick for us," Izumo says with a sigh. Koteshi rolls his eyes.  
  
"You," he says firmly, "are going to sleep." Izumo gives him a blank look. He's kidding, right? Except he knows Koteshi too well to think that.  
  
"I'm not tired," he lies, and Koteshi sees through it immediately.  
  
"I am going to make you sleep for at least once in your life if I have to hold you down!" Koteshi declares stubbornly.  
  
Izumo just sighs and gets back to his feet. "Koteshi, knock it off. We have to get to work or we'll be-"  
  
Warm.  
  
Heavy. Warm.  
  
"Koteshi . . . ?" Izumo asks blankly, staring up at the ceiling in confusion. When did he end up on his back?  
  
"You are going to sleep," Koteshi repeats calmly, pressing his body down on Izumo's a little more firmly. "I'm not moving until you do." Izumo blinks up at the ceiling, not speaking.  
  
He already knows that he isn't going to be able to sleep, but it's not at all for the same reasons as usual.  
  
Warm . . .  
  
*  
  
*  
  
* ende *  
  
*  
  
*  
  
. : insomnia's a bitch : . 


	2. Maybe, Definitely

A/N: So, I finally finished that Koteshi/Izumo . . . or Kotetsu/Izumo, or whatever the hell you wanna call it . . . and I posted it . . . and then I looked at the little comments people left me on LJ and OH MY GOD IT IS NOT FAIR. *spastic twitch*  
  
Okay, so, explanation: vetlutlunas reviewed it. Which is yay- happy, because I like vetlutlunas's writing and it makes me feel good to get positive feedback from people whose altars I worship at. But is also NOT yay-happy, because she said if I wrote more of the pairing, she'd write me smut. And anyone who does not understand how impossible it is to refuse such an offer has never read vetlutlunas's lemons and must go do so NOW rather than suffer through my over-emotional shit.  
  
Right then. Koteshi/Izumo-ness and some of those freaky parallel paragraphs that I like so much. ^_^ It works on basically the same backstory I established for them in my last installment of ficcage for them, but isn't really any kind of sequel or prequel, just a vaguely related drabblebeast. I just needed characterization for them, and mine is the only version I have to go on, so: same continuity.  
  
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*  
  
"Maybe, Definitely"  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Koteshi does not believe that there is such a thing as falling in love twice. He thinks, "okay, this is the person that I love and I'm gonna love them forever." And that's it. Maybe he'd fuck around with someone else or marry someone else, but that doesn't mean he'll love anyone but that original person.  
  
Izumo does not believe that there is really any such thing as love. He thinks, "okay, this person tolerates me and I can tolerate them too, so we may as well hang out for now." And that's it. Maybe he'd be faithful to that person or even marry that person, but that doesn't mean that he'll ever love that person.  
  
Koteshi imagines that the person he is will never change.  
  
Izumo imagines that the person he is will never be stable.  
  
The first time Koteshi remembers meeting Izumo was at an uncertain time in their past. He remembers a quiet kid with a calm expression tossing kunai after kunai into a target, looking bored out of his mind behind the façade.  
  
The first time Izumo remembers meeting Koteshi was not actually the first time they met. He remembers an overly loud kid with a wild, friendly grin holding out a hand to him, looking slightly frightened behind the façade.  
  
Koteshi had said hi. The kid had never answered, but they'd somehow ended up on surprisingly amicable speaking terms by the end of the day.  
  
Izumo had asked him who he was. The kid had visibly flinched, but they'd somehow ended up living in the same apartment by the end of the day.  
  
Koteshi's first memories of Izumo are something that no one else in the world knows about, not even Izumo. Because Izumo doesn't remember anything before "that incident." And he doubts that Izumo would really want to, honestly.  
  
Izumo's first memories of Koteshi are fragmented and he never talks about them, not even with Koteshi. Because he remembers that Koteshi knew more about him than he did. And he doesn't want to know what Koteshi knows.  
  
Koteshi, frankly, knows more about Izumo than anyone. He is one of the only people that remembers Izumo's past even vaguely (because nobody talks about it nobody mentions it it's all so tragic that poor poor boy) and no one spends more time with him than Koteshi.  
  
Izumo, frankly, knows nothing about himself. He is one of the only people he knows who is like this (because everyone else seems to GET it seems to understand seems to be so together so competent and so goddamned normal that it hurts) and is afraid he always will be.  
  
One of the things that never changes is the way that Koteshi feels for Izumo.  
  
One of the things that Izumo is terrified will change is how he feels for Koteshi.  
  
So right now, Koteshi takes everything slow and lazy, smirking and laughing and teasing and going around and around. He has faith in this feeling and knows that it will stay.  
  
So right now, Izumo wishes Koteshi would take everything faster, would stop stalling and do what Izumo himself is too afraid to do. He has no faith in his ability to start it.  
  
Their hands thread together once, briefly, and Koteshi is surprised because despite the fact that they are always together, they have almost never touched.  
  
Their hands thread together once, briefly, and Izumo is shocked that he has managed to take this step because he has never been that forward in his life.  
  
Sometimes, Koteshi thinks that the person he is going to love forever is never going to come along. Then he looks at Izumo and wonders if he is wrong about that idea.  
  
Sometimes, Izumo wonders if there really is such a thing as love. Then he looks at Koteshi and realizes that there must be, or else neither of them would be here anymore.  
  
And sometimes, when Izumo is looking at him and has that uncertain expression in his eyes, Koteshi wants to touch him a lot more than just holding his hand. Sometimes he thinks about just jumping Izumo and dragging him to bed and tiring him out so thoroughly that not even Izumo's terminal insomnia could keep him awake afterwards. But then he realizes what he's just thought and has to hide his face so no one will see him blushing.  
  
And sometimes, when Koteshi is looking at him and has that hungry expression in his eyes, Izumo wants the other to just reach out and grab him. Sometimes he thinks about throwing himself at Koteshi and yelling, "Take me now, you indecisive asshole!" But then he realizes what he's just thought and smacks himself in the face to get a bit of sanity back in his life- not that he's had any since meeting Koteshi, which is all he remembers.  
  
So if Koteshi occasionally lingers a bit too closely to Izumo, then that is all right.  
  
So if Izumo occasionally stares at Koteshi for a little too long, then that is all right.  
  
Koteshi remembers the first day he met this person. It was sunny and calm and overall, a good day.  
  
Izumo does not remember the first day he met this person. But he's used to such inconveniences.  
  
Memories aside, though, it is the future that Koteshi is thinking of right now.  
  
Memories or not, Izumo only wants to be with this person for the rest of his life.  
  
So maybe he's already in love after all.  
  
So maybe he believes in love after all.  
  
Maybe . . .  
  
Definitely . . .  
  
*  
  
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* fin *  
  
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*  
  
. : the other half of my soul is yours : . 


End file.
